"24' jack Bauer Fact..
Posted: Wed Jan 14, 2009 1:31 am
Have a good laugh, if you watch "24"
1:Jack Bauer broke into the Russian Consulate and got captured because he thought it would be fun to compare Russian prisons with Chinese prisons.
2:There are two hands that can beat a royal flush. Jack Bauer's right hand and Jack Bauer's left hand.
3:Most people would need months to recover from 20 months of Chinese interrogation. Jack Bauer needs a shower, a shave and a change of clothes.
4:Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
5:Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.
6:In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the fack have you done with your life?
7:When someone asks him how his day is going, Jack replies, "Previously, on 24..."
8:If Jack Bauer had been a Spartan the movie would have been called "1".
9:Professor Charles Xavier from X-Men once tried to read Jack Bauer's mind. Now he's sitting in a wheel chair.
10:The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
11:When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death.
12:When bad things happen to good people, its probably fate. When bad things happen to bad people, it’s probably Jack Bauer.
13:Jack Bauer never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.
14:There are three leading causes of death among terrorists. The first two are Jack Bauer, and the third one is heart attack from hearing Jack Bauer is coming for them
15:Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.
16: Passed out, surrounded by terrorists and nerve gas, and handcuffed to a table leg, Jack Bauer laughed to himself and said, "I have them right where I want them."
17:If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
18:If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".
19:Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.
20:The 2007 budget for the US Military covers Jack Bauer, two pistols and four billion rounds of ammunition.
21:Jack Bauer doesn't need to eat, sleep, or use the bathroom because his organs are afraid of making him angry.
22:When Jack Bauer ran out of ammo, he caught 3 bullets in his chest and used them to reload.
23:Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
24:There have been no terrorist attacks in United States since Jack Bauer has appeared on television.
25:If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's facking beef.
26:1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
27:Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
28:When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
29:Jack Bauer doesn't have a firewall on his PC. He has a Bauerwall. It's basically just a JPEG of Jack Bauer. No virus has ever attacked Jack Bauer's PC. Ever.
30:When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer facking hates lemonade.
31:If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
32:After Season 6 of 24, the Chinese will be on the Endangered Species List.
33:It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed.
34:Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
35:Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
36:Jack doesn't believe in Murphy's Law, only Bauer's Law: "Whatever CAN go wrong, WILL be resolved in a period of 24 hours."
37:The only reason the Chinese kept Jack alive is so that he could bring down the population.
38:Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
39:Tony was once shot in the neck, rushed to the hospital, underwent emergency surgery and was back on the job in just a few hours. Jack Bauer still can't believe that pussy went to the hospital first.
40:Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
41:Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
42:Jack Bauer arrested RoboCop. Think about that.
43:Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
44:Torturing terrorists is like riding a bike. Jack Bauer never forgets.
45:James Bond has a license to kill. Jack Bauer was his instructor.
1:Jack Bauer broke into the Russian Consulate and got captured because he thought it would be fun to compare Russian prisons with Chinese prisons.
2:There are two hands that can beat a royal flush. Jack Bauer's right hand and Jack Bauer's left hand.
3:Most people would need months to recover from 20 months of Chinese interrogation. Jack Bauer needs a shower, a shave and a change of clothes.
4:Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
5:Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.
6:In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the fack have you done with your life?
7:When someone asks him how his day is going, Jack replies, "Previously, on 24..."
8:If Jack Bauer had been a Spartan the movie would have been called "1".
9:Professor Charles Xavier from X-Men once tried to read Jack Bauer's mind. Now he's sitting in a wheel chair.
10:The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
11:When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death.
12:When bad things happen to good people, its probably fate. When bad things happen to bad people, it’s probably Jack Bauer.
13:Jack Bauer never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.
14:There are three leading causes of death among terrorists. The first two are Jack Bauer, and the third one is heart attack from hearing Jack Bauer is coming for them
15:Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.
16: Passed out, surrounded by terrorists and nerve gas, and handcuffed to a table leg, Jack Bauer laughed to himself and said, "I have them right where I want them."
17:If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
18:If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".
19:Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.
20:The 2007 budget for the US Military covers Jack Bauer, two pistols and four billion rounds of ammunition.
21:Jack Bauer doesn't need to eat, sleep, or use the bathroom because his organs are afraid of making him angry.
22:When Jack Bauer ran out of ammo, he caught 3 bullets in his chest and used them to reload.
23:Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
24:There have been no terrorist attacks in United States since Jack Bauer has appeared on television.
25:If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's facking beef.
26:1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
27:Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
28:When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
29:Jack Bauer doesn't have a firewall on his PC. He has a Bauerwall. It's basically just a JPEG of Jack Bauer. No virus has ever attacked Jack Bauer's PC. Ever.
30:When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer facking hates lemonade.
31:If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
32:After Season 6 of 24, the Chinese will be on the Endangered Species List.
33:It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed.
34:Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
35:Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
36:Jack doesn't believe in Murphy's Law, only Bauer's Law: "Whatever CAN go wrong, WILL be resolved in a period of 24 hours."
37:The only reason the Chinese kept Jack alive is so that he could bring down the population.
38:Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
39:Tony was once shot in the neck, rushed to the hospital, underwent emergency surgery and was back on the job in just a few hours. Jack Bauer still can't believe that pussy went to the hospital first.
40:Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
41:Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
42:Jack Bauer arrested RoboCop. Think about that.
43:Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
44:Torturing terrorists is like riding a bike. Jack Bauer never forgets.
45:James Bond has a license to kill. Jack Bauer was his instructor.
Lots of good ones there.... 